Living with PTSD

I thought rather naively that this was for soldiers.  I learned the hard way that this is not true.  I have since met other sufferers- from fires and car accidents.  You often can’t tell by looking at them- “You look so good, though.” Like many brain diseases, you generally look & act normal.  This is good/bad news. Sometimes I just feel like saying, So What?

I’ll post a site giving more info, but the symptoms, treatments, etc, take many forms. Firstly, it’s very common (3 million a year), it needs to be diagnosed by a healthcare professional, and no medical tests are required.  It’s a disorder after a traumatic event in which flashbacks, anxiety, uncontrollable thoughts, & nightmares may occur.  Just coping with life is difficult.

I feel all of these symptoms except the family detachment.  Often they are my lifeline.

• Negative thoughts about yourself, other people or the world
• Hopelessness about the future
• Memory problems, including not remembering important aspects of the traumatic event
• Difficulty maintaining close relationships
• Feeling detached from family and friends
• Lack of interest in activities you once enjoyed
• Difficulty experiencing positive emotions|
• Feeling emotionally numb

Avoidance

Symptoms of avoidance may include:

• Trying to avoid thinking or talking about the traumatic event
• Avoiding places, activities or people that remind you of the traumatic event

Yep, that’s me.  But it’s virtually impossible to do so. A smell, a person, a picture can remind you.

Changes in physical and emotional reactions

Symptoms of changes in physical and emotional reactions (also called arousal symptoms) may include:

• Being easily startled or frightened
• Always being on guard for danger
• Self-destructive behavior, such as drinking too much or driving too fast
• Trouble sleeping.                
• Trouble concentrating
• Irritability, angry outbursts or aggressive behavior
• Overwhelming guilt or shame

Yep, again.  No, I don’t drink or drive too fast (although I’ve always had a lead foot).  But just performing personal care functions, is surprisingly difficult.  I think it’s a way of self punishment? Or just lack of caring or energy

I jokingly tell people that they don’t want to make me mad, but I ain’t kidding.  No, I no longer feel like killing someone, but I could have without a single regret.  The anger is still there and why would it not be? 18 condo units burned totally down in 3 1/2 years.  Impossible with modern construction methods and building code.  I lost everthing including a pet.  I’ll always remember and never forget.  A lifetime and generation of items and memories.  No, I won’t kill or physically hurt, but there are many ways to express displeasure.

Many times I have difficulty speaking, not to mention thinking straight when anything regarding the fire pops up.  I physically shake and it will last for days, moderating into what I refer to as vibrating on the inside. Bad scary dreams that can awaken me.  
  On top of all this my partner died unexpectedly.  I was also living in his house.  Well, my insurer could no longer pay him rent, so there went a whole new set of problems while dealing with tragedy and living most uncomfortably but gratefully in a hoarders home.

I take meds, I go to counseling.  Meds help but there are always side effects,  I have admitted myself to the hospital once and though about it at least twice more.  

However there are some small positives.  I can now write in cursive because my hand is steady enough.  I try my best to do fun things and laugh.  I’ve done a lot of work to my surroundings, although expenses have grown to quite a bit more. There are still quite a few things I can’t do and all the stress has brought on physical woes making it difficult to move much (hello, p.t.).

But I’m still here.  And I look darn good (generally).  I have another cat and have started cooking for myself and trying to remember to eat, not just junk.  

I try to watch less news (it’s all bad) and I’ve become a lot more empathetic.  

Tonight it’s homemade pizza!  I’m still missing some of my “secret ingredients” (hello,King Arthur Flour - link), but I’ll get there!  Slowly. With lots of help from good friends & family (cannabis, too).

Detailed info from the Mayo Clinic link.

Perryville’s Latest Tax Incentives for the Wolf, aka, a Wolf in wolf’s clothing

Click here for newest tax incentive proposal

Seems as if the proposal has changed a bit since it was first written for the Great Wolf Resorts. I think the wolf pack (that is what hotel employees are called) got a little push-back from the town, but merely a tap

While now there must be an initial job fair in the town, 200 must be employed from? Anywhere, there are still no demands for benefits or # of full-time jobs. This is what we’re getting. Do the math.  

Appx. 200 Jobs paying $24,000

There has been no cost estimates yet from the town.  Remember, we are helping to pay for this undertaking.  So exactly what are the costs and what are the benefits dollar wise to the town???There is a stipulation that the incentives must be sustainable to the town.  What does this mean?  The town always has them power to raise taxes so anything is “sustainable.”

 The Mayor has stated that this “is going to put Perryville on the map.”  Someone, please, show this man a map.  Perryville is there.

 Residents are staying 1.4 nights?  And all coming and going at different times? Gee, no checkout times or check-in times?  In staying 1.4 nights they are going to leave the resort & hit the town’s high spots?  An uneven playing field for other hotels/motel- you think?  How about other businesses?  

We are going to pay their taxes, infrastructure, plus plus?  Where is the upside?  What about fire protection?  Didn’t work so well at Owens Landing, did it?  

Yes, the proposal got cleaned up a bit, but needs a LOT more work. Thinking your taxes here might go down?  They may also go up.

I’m not seeing any upside yet, except for some instant fame.  If this deal ever goes sour,  watch out for anyone backing this project.

Beware the wolf pack. 

Special Meeting agenda. Jan. 22 at ? After 6:30 work session.

They may well vote on all this then.  I see no opportunity for public speaking. So, e-mail, call, or go anyway and speak.

Perryville, Ready for the Great Wolf pack presentation?

Minker Hall at 6 p.m.  Click here for the meeting agenda)

There is a chance that they may go into private session to discuss the tax giveaway that is being proposed or some other vague related matter. Here is the Proposed ordinance. So tell them you want NO closed session meeting which is NOT required by law.

You may send or even hand-in an objection at any time before they move to adjourn into the closed session. You needn’t be a resident!

I am sending mine out to the Town Clerk, Jackie Sample: townhall@perryvillemd.org. You could also send it to the council members via the Town website.

Use mine as a template if you like. You only need to state your name and that you object to a closed meeting on Jan. 15, 2019.



To the Mayor and Town Commissioners of Perryville, Maryland,

I, Eileen M. Rice, object to this Board adjourning into private session on January 15, 2019, to do the peoples’ business for which there is no requirement that they do so: MD Gen Provisions Code § 3-305 (2015).  This letter is to be presented to the Board, noted in the minutes, and kept on file for a year, as per the previous cited code.

January 14, 2019

I just like the wolf pic

Jobs, Jobs, Jobs for Perryville & Cecil County- Ask the Great Wolf!

The Wolf is Cheap (check for pay scales). No good jobs here, thank you very much.  No matter what all the rah-rah says, using the wolf’s own published numbers and jobs posted info, part-timers (minimum wage) account for half the jobs.   Even full-timers with a minimum of perks, often earn minimum wages with the highest pay being less than $20 an hour (for Tech Support).
Each resort has a staff of appx. 500.  If you dispute this, cite me your source. All the resorts achieve an average of 50% occupancy, so layoffs are frequent.

Most employees are students. Don’t forget too- like it or not- the robots are coming!

And most importantly- how much are these jobs costing us???

Evidently, wolves don’t believe in sharing anything.  They’re greedy!  But you knew that already, didn’t you?

The Great Wolf Wants Perryville Council Votes Next Tuesday

 (Click link for agenda)Special meeting agenda

Tuesday at Minker Hall at 6.  This is the time to make any objections, questions known.  Or affirm it if you like.
With no idea of total costs or data to back up former statements, what’s the reasoning behind this corporate giveaway?  Who else here, especially other business owners, gets this kind of deal?  A lot of glittering generalities and not much else.  Remember, this is OUR monies.  Some from Cecil County, too, & certainly from the State. This deal is something we’ll be stuck with for at least 25 years!
Your taxes may well go up, not down to pay for all these perks with less $ for projects that may benefit ALL of us.
You don’t have to be there to be heard.  E-mail the council (on website).  Phone them, Object, too, to any closed meeting.  Do it in writing as required (re: closed meeting) and it has to be added to minutes. I intend to e-mail.
Otherwise, your taxes may well go up & you’’ be getting less because the wolf is hungry!